The Influence of Labels
The influence of labels can be powerful. As well as “the baby of the family,” I was often referred to as a “cry baby.” I was generally a happy, lively, bubbly little thing with tight blond curls and an inquisitive mind, but when things went wrong — the toy I was playing with broke, I fell and hurt myself, or I needed attention — the tears would come. I was definitely the more emotional one out of the four of us!
In later life, I realised that I had struggled to express myself for a number of reasons I first noticed when I began my NLP journey. Hearing “cry baby” so many times, my unconscious mind stored it as truth. I took on the belief that crying was a weakness.
How the influence of labels shapes behaviour
To avoid being seen as weak, I decided I had to be strong and in control. That belief became a need. To fulfil it, I put my emotions in a box and closed the lid. At the bottom of that box was a tightly coiled spring — like a jack‑in‑the‑box. As more emotions were pushed down, pressure built until the lid would have to spring open.
It took me a long time to realise that suppressing how I felt wasn’t helping. Crying is a natural response to a range of emotions — sadness and grief, happiness and joy. The benefits have been recognised for centuries, and today it’s widely understood that crying can have positive psychological effects: it releases negative emotions, acts as a safety valve, and is linked with shifts in stress hormones and “feel‑good” chemistry that support mood and ease pain.
Reframing the label with compassion
Eventually, I threw away the label of “cry baby” and allowed myself to see that crying was allowed — and part of being a strong, independent woman. Crying became a signal to pay attention, to move and breathe, to be kinder to myself, and to ask for support when I needed it.
But crying when triggered, or when needing to release emotions — allowing myself to be honest about how I’m feeling? That is a strength.
Gentle exercise to try
On a sheet of paper, write down the labels you’ve been given over your life — both positive and negative. Then explore:
- Notice: Which labels come up most often? Who gave them to you?
- Impact: How has each label shaped your choices, self‑talk, or relationships?
- Reframe: Which labels do you want to let go of — and what kinder, truer wording will you use instead?
Related reading
PS — I wasn’t always crying, as you can see from the pic!
